Normally, I start the day with little pain.  I wake up tired but feeling fine overall.  I force myself out of bed, eat something small, and take pills.  Once the adderall (W calls it vitamin A) starts to kick in, I’m all set to go and can make it through most of my day just fine.  From there, my pain level fluctuates depending on what I’m doing, how high my stress level is, and who knows what else (the phases of the moon?  A Julia voodoo doll that exists in the world?  Who knows…)  Typically my pain increases starting in the afternoon and progressively gets worse until it is alleviated by my larger med dose I start taking when I get home in the evening.

Instead of the situation above, I’m now waking up feeling much like I’ve been in a car accident.  Every muscle and joint in my body aches.  I don’t want to move, but laying still doesn’t help either.  W has been kind enough to massage my shoulders and legs the last few mornings which helps (or at least serves to distract) but the pain returns shortly afterward.  The only thing recently that seemed to really help was an infrared lamp my massage therapist used during my treatment.  The warm on my back was so soothing, that I am honestly considering buying a lamp of my very own if this continues.

I’m afraid to call my doc.  I’m concerned he’ll think I want pain meds (I don’t) or he’ll suggest steroids.  I just had my last infusion set in July and had a gram of solumedrol with each infusion.  I really don’t want another round of steroids – they just mess with my system.  I feel awful & I gain weight.  I get overly emotional.  All the tell tale signs.  Unfortunately if this continues, I may not have any choice.  My pain level is not abating, so the frustration increases.

I don’t want this to become my “new normal” when I was just starting to adjust to the previous one.