I’ve hit a funny place mentally with MS. This is going to sound very weird to anyone who does not have the disease, but I feel pretty good overall and it is strange. I imagine this means I have officially hit the remission period that is referred to in the name Relapsing Remitting. That’s great news overall. It means that I’m exercising, that my pain has diminished enough that I’m only taking meds at night and a lower dose then I was recently. It means that I don’t feel like I need to sleep through every weekend just to recover from the week before. I finally find myself forgetting that I have MS. Although it plays a major role in my life, I’m finally able to focus on other things.
But all this also means that I hear that lovely little voice in my head piping up again and I find myself asking a million questions. Maybe the disease wasn’t as aggressive as we originally thought? Maybe I don’t need to continue my Rituxan therapy? Maybe this will be how I’ll feel from now on? And, my personal favorite: maybe I don’t really have MS? Maybe the well-educated, incredibly knowledgeable doctors were all wrong?
I’m quite familiar with the little voice in my head that likes to send me down anxiety-ridden paths. I am also realistic. The reality is that I have amazing doctors and the Rituxan is doing its job. It has halted the disease process. My body is focused on healing instead of attacked itself. I am swimming more which helps to continue reducing my pain levels and also helps to minimize the fatigue. Things are good. Rather than allowing myself to enter a new stage of denial, I need to enjoy and celebrate this period of remission and recognize it for what it is.